[air, sight, ray of light]
Zrak is a ray of sunshine. The Sun, its parent and source, is always there. Zrak moves quickly and playfully around. Its being is warm and light. It brings time and space with it as it goes. Zrak fell on the surface of water.
I swim deeper. It’s like going down a water slide. And then suddenly, I feel cold. Maybe I’ll feeI warmer if I go faster?
The water is thicker here. Am I even moving? I feel myself shrinking. Darkness is eating me.
I need to go back.
I must not stray too far from my source. Otherwise, I will disappear.
I finally reach the surface. I look below me. The depth scares me. I wonder if I’ll have to stay at the surface forever.
I don’t want to disappear, but I also don’t want to be stuck here.
I become terrified of diving. I develop an irrational fear that some kind of force will pull me down. I spend my time on the very surface of the water. I lose my joy and playfulness. The fear never leaves me.
I also develop an obsession with the depth. Diving becomes my dream. The surface starts to drive me crazy. I am so so sick of it. I am so sick of being stuck here.
I welcome the coldness this time. Shrinking sensation returns.
The light above fades.
Nothingness all around me.
Where am I?
Where is up, where is down? Where is left and where is right? Nothing makes sense here. I move carefully. Slowly.
I start seeing things in the distance. I move away from them. As far as I can. I am not sure if I’m imagining it. What is all of that?
Should I approach it?
In Sisters Hope Home, I was inside a nervous system larger than me, inside another living organism. The walls were alive, embracing me. We, our bodies, were part of the circuits and metabolism of the Home. How I miss it, having returned to the illusion of being an individual, leading…
– with an eternal attraction to the maritime. Her hands in the lukewarm water, caress the scalp and the wet hair of the person whose hair she is cleansing. Gazing out over the sea, – conchs and pirates, by-gone monsoons fill her soul with sweet sadness.