i wanted to give you a posibility to hear my voice – i recorded my-self last week – as an attempt to get rid of an overhwelming feeling – but i cannot figure out how to upload it here – so i have written it for you – i was thinking about you when i talked into the recorder – i was thinking about what is going to happend and how we dont know –

here it is;

so I am really self-aware this week. in such a strange way. right now im lying where i sleep. but im not sleeping. im just looking. and i am thinking about things that embarress me. and it is a sensation that is piercing through my core. it feels like my nerveends are tickeling but in an opposite way. this week i am fragile. it feels like my-self is existing in the past and it makes me anxious for the future. it makes me anxious for the now.  for who i am. it feels like anyone can penetrate me. my core. that their voices pierce. yeah. then these things that i have done in the past. normal, regular things – embarress me. occassions where i-didnt-know-better just seem very present. im afraid to meet people because they can look right into me – not through me – but straight into me. and i think part of it is because im doing something new – im doing something that i have never done before and that has great meaning to me – but i dont know who/how i am it. a shapeshifter not knowning what to shift into.

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that helped me a lot – to hear my-self say those things. so that they were right there. i am afraid. i am fragile. i dont know. i am embarressed. i am.

then i thought of my-self as a child and i remembered i always wanted to be a black panther when i grew up – the animal – so i looked in my book of animal-medicine and looked under ‘black panther’ and it says;

BLACK PANTHER – EMBRACING THE UNKNOWN

she is respected by the natives who also calls her midnight jaguar or black jaguar – the natives where not afraid of the dark like the other two-legged.

black panthers medicine allows human beings to face their fears and dark behaviors, exploring those internal shadowy aspects of being. there is healing potential in the dark of the unknown.

if the black panther has appeared in your cards today it may be telling you not to worry about the future. trust that you are not supposed to mentally ‘figure it all out’ at this time. you may need to confront fears of the unknown, fears of being less than you truly are, or an inability to simply BE. let go of fears that appear as obstacles or barriers. embrace the unknown and flow with the mystery that is unfolding in your life. the next step may be leeping empty-handed into the void with implicit trust. in the stillness of the void, find the will to avoid foolish interruptions, going deeper into your own self-discovery and healing process. black panther has unexpected blessings.

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voice will come, dearest

ShapeShifter