a plastic bobble lies on my desk. inside of it is a time that is also inside of me. a moment in which different times that filled my head disappeared so there was only that. the weak light on the glasstable and reflected faces and patterns that circulated in my brain. water running through my body as a stream of vibrating light that makes me dance uncontrolled on the top of a big fluffy animal that is also the inside of my body.

i filled the bobble with seeds from the sister that i have not planted yet because i am still looking for the right pot to plant them in. somehow i am still waiting for the time to grow. it is bobbling inside of me. but i can not find out what the right pot looks like. or where to find it. i have not been searching enough for it yet. i have been too busy. it has made me tired. split.

i have had moments like that inside of the bobble where all other times disappear and i feel connected to something pure and true in the eyes of the people i meet. i can feel them in a whole new way. i don’t have to hide between smiles or laughs or insecurity. it feels like i am suddenly totally aware of the connection. the bond. and then there have been times where i have felt disconnected like i have been sleeping in day time, been inpatient, hurried and miserable and not at all aware of anything but what was my next plan to be done that day.

today i did not have any plans. so i decided to not do anything. and now i am here. searching my mind and feeling the bobbles. i will search for the pot tonight.