All my life I’m looking at a distant horizont for serendipities

When something happens or something does not end up happening, I spontaneously read it as a sign. Does it make me surrender to the flow of life or does it make me passive?

 

Somebody wrote in my childhood diary that the most important things are those that are yet to happen.

 

I don’t have anything to say about teaching.

But I believe in one thing: all the teachings and inspirations’ absolute purpose: to connect with who we really are.

 

I got a mission today: to find my substance, by living with and through my feelings. [Hey, do you also feel resistance, because you heard it so many times without really feeling the substance of IT? Or am I just irritated by hearing abstract statements repeat?] It’s a very good advice, though. As a side-task, I get to write things down. I love writing things down, to the extent that I decided not to write things down, or if, then in some new way.

 

There needs another language. Another perceptions.

I’ve noticed I tend to sabotage knowing, as if I could better breathe if I don’t too soon frame-limit or name-limit the complex potentiality. The less concrete, the freer. And I KNOW it is something different from projecting images on reality instead of seeing reality.

 

Love is…

(I also heard many times) to love someone for who (s)he really is, instead of an image we’d wish to see.

Love is…
(that resonates more) I am me, and I need you to get even greater.

I need to relearn interpreting you when you say I’m welcome to… For the only two things that make me react and act is: 1) when you explicitly need me 2) when I need you – explicitly or not.

 

It is spring that keeps me away from home, me and my heavy baggage of a wanderer. People are so interesting, especially those ones that seem to have all the time in the world.

I feel I’m saving myself for something better… or for later. And simultaneously I carry fear that I might get punished for that, by Time.

 

three concepts need to be embodied. Embodied means tried out, dirtying the hands. Those concepts are: art. empathy. connection.

What’s the difference between making art and doing art?
I don’t know, but intuitively I want to do art.
I also want to do tantra.
And what I instead do naturally and most repetitively, is creating words. Again, I’ve been writing things down all my life. To the extent that I decide more and more not to write things down, or if, then in some new way, maybe.

 

 

I have – no, I am – a repetitive craving to use myself as an example. But the point is the example both good and bad. And that’s exactly here where the biggest fear of succeeding and the biggest fear of falling are children of the same parent.

the (w)Hole.

 

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